Beginning With Goodbye
by bennyandthefrets
Summary: Falling in love is like asking for a giant box of chocolates knowing that you're just going to get beat with a sledgehammer after you enjoy them. Eventually  your heart will be broken. But how do you go about putting the pieces back together? Can you?
1. Where it began? I can

**Author's Note: **I'm not going to patronize you by saying that this is my first work and I'm horrid at summaries and whatnot. Hopefully my work can speak for itself :) Comments, and criticisms are very much appreciated! Thanks for taking the time to read this little piece. I've had the idea for awhile and I'm excited to finally start making something of it!

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><p><em>Everyone always told me to "Be careful with Santana.", "Don't break her heart.", "Take care of her." When things went sour everyone turned to me first as if to say, "What did you do to her?" Maybe that's because everyone believed she was a lot more in love with me than I was with her. Simple, sweet, innocent Brittany. How could such a simple minded girl understand the complexity of such a relationship? I'm not stupid you know.<em>

_They always said I'd break your heart; and for a while I did. But then you returned the favor._

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><p>It's a bright August day, the sun illuminating all corners of the world, or at least every bit of the limits of Santana's universe. Admittedly, her world only stretched to the end of the cul-de-sac and occasionally further into Lima for a trip to the grocery store; however on that sweltering day, it seemed as if there was no place on Earth to escape the sun's burning rays. The best retreat she could find was lying in her mother's flower bed, her small frame covered by the chrysanthemums.<p>

She could feel the baked earth pressing against her back and staining her white shirt and winced as she ran her tongue over her dry sun split lips. Santana closed her eyes, praying for a cloud, a light breeze, the mist from a neighbors sprinkler, anything that would relieve her for even a second from the scorching day. She thought her prayers were answered when she felt something wet land on her nose. Santana opened her eyes, smiling slightly in anticipation of seeing a rain cloud or a sprinkler but instead was surprised by a flurry of bubbles floating over the imposing hedge that guarded the house, and into her yard.

She watched, fascinated as the bubbles turned different colors when the light hit them just right. Tentatively, she reached out to touch one, giggling as it popped. Santana froze as she heard a second set of giggles, echoing her own. Sitting straight up, her eyes swept across her yard landing on a set of curious blue eyes and a Cheshire grin that appeared from within the hedge. Santana leapt from her spot and ran to the bushes, finding herself face to face with a small blonde girl about her age.

Santana frowned at the girl and placed a hand on her hip. "Who are you? Why are you spying on people? That's rude you know."

"I wasn't spying. My name is Brittany and I'm an adventurer who's going to rescue you from the ghosts!" The girl grinned broadly as she spun around and gestured to all the bubbles. "You were asleep or something so I was going to come wake you up by kissing you like in the princess movies. Cause you were around a bunch of flowers. Princesses like flowers and princesses are pretty so I'm pretty sure you're a princess." She tugged at the blonde fly aways that had escaped her ponytail and looked over the shocked girl. "Guess you are shy huh? That's cool! Close your eyes though okay? Even if you don't want to talk to me I want to keep playing with you."

Santana continued to stare at Brittany. "But… Who are-"

"I already told you this, silly! I'm Brittany your best friend. Starting now. Now close your eyes, you're supposed to be sleeping. No more sleep talking." Brittany placed her sticky hands over Santana's eyes and quickly leaned over to peck her on the cheek. "You can be awake now." She whispered in Santana's ear before taking off, running after the bubbles and shouting something about being ghost busters.

Santana stood in shock for a couple seconds as she watched the little blonde stranger, Brittany, run around the yard popping the bubbles. She'd never had a best friend before. Her small hand rose to her cheek and brushed against the spot where Brittany had kissed her. She'd never gotten to be the princess before either. With a small smile Santana quickly decided that she liked this Brittany girl very much. She ran over to Brittany and joined her scaring the ghosts away.

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><p>"You have to go home Britt."<p>

"No I don't."

"Yeah you do. You're mom and dad will be worried it's almost dark time."

"But I want to stay here and play some more." Brittany's pink lips formed into a pout and her blue eyes threatened to turn into a pool of tears.

"Aw come on now don't cry. Princesses don't cry. I pinky promise that you can come over again tomorrow." Santana offered a smile and held up her pinky.

"Pinky promises are serious stuff." Brittany mused and with a solemn nod hooked her pinky around Santana's.

"Alright let's go." They dropped their hands to ther sides as Santana pulled Brittany across the road not letting go of her little finger until they reached the other side.

"Don't forget. You pinky promised me San okay? You have to see me tomorrow."

"Tomorrow and every day after. I promise." Before she could walk away Brittany flung her arms around her in a hug that would last several minutes.

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><p><em>Falling in love is like asking for a giant box of chocolates knowing that you're just going to get beat with a sledgehammer after you enjoy them.<em>

_But sometimes you don't ask for love. It just happens._

_The sledgehammer comes regardless._


	2. Seasons in the sun

**Author's Note:** These first few bits jump around a lot. A more linear timeline will be established once we reach the "present" so to speak. I know you lot are out there and reading this so if you don't mind too terribly much, please drop me a line and let me know what you think!

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><p><em>"It gets better." "You're stronger than this." "Time fixes everything." I don't believe any of these mantras, isms, whatever you want to call them. Not anymore anyways. The only thing I believe is what my mom used to tell me about people, "If they have lips, they lie." I didn't want this to be true. I always believed in the best in people. One bad thing doesn't make someone a bad person after all. Right?<em>

_But what if someone keeps doing bad things to you? How long do you put up with it? What if you love them? What if you're in love with them? Should you deal with it longer?_

_Everyone said I was so sweet, so trusting, so innocent. I never used to lock my door when I went to the grocery store, I always gave money to the homeless guy outside the gas station. I didn't worry about getting robbed, Mr. Seawright next door would look out for me. Patches wouldn't spend his money on drugs, he had a family to take care of and was responsible. I always gave people the benefit of the doubt. The problem with always seeing the best in people is that it can bring out the worst in them._

_Sometimes being a good person causes bad things to happen to you. Bad things happen to even the best of people. And it makes you wonder.. If either way there's going to be darkness in your life, why even bother trying to turn on the light? Life's darkness will extinguish the flame quickly anyway._

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><p>"Do you think cooties are real?"<p>

"Of course not. That's a stupid question." Santana's sneer quickly faded when she saw Brittany's hurt face. "What I mean is, my dad's a doctor. So if cooties were real then he would have let me know and I'd have gotten shots for them." She continued to braid Brittany's hair, mostly succeeding in making a large knot in the back.

"Well Noah said that girls had cooties and that they're gross." Brittany's brow furrowed as she tried to make sense of the words. "But you're a girl… and I'm a girl. We aren't gross right? I don't think you're gross. You take baths every night and always smell like clean."

"Totally not." Santana affirmed with a nod. "Besides everyone know boys come from Jupiter, that's why they're stupider."

Brittany spun around to face Santana her face showing her shock. "Is Noah an alien?"

"No Britts." Santana laughed and shook her head. "He's just a stupid stinky boy. Aliens aren't real."

"But my dad says our neighbors are aliens…"

"Oh I don't know Brittany. Grownups say weird things." Santana glanced over at her friend whose face was still scrunched up. "What's wrong Britt-britt?"

"Noah was making fun of me today 'cause I still have training wheels on my bicycle." Her small fists curled up and her normally happy face turned into a frown.

"I like your trainers." Santana said with a grin. "If you didn't have those I couldn't stand on the back as you rode around! That wouldn't be fun." She wrapped an arm around Brittany and pulled her into a hug. "Besides. It's only first grade. My mom says it's okay to have training wheels for a bit since my brother didn't get his off till second grade."

"Okay San if you say so. I trust you." Brittany's face was bright again as she skipped over to the garage to retrieve her bike. "Want to ride around the neighborhood with me?"

"Duh!" Santana replied, standing on the back of the bike and hanging onto Brittany's shoulders. "Don't let me fall okay? And remember not to go by the Smith's house. Their dog is the meanie one remember?"

"Don't worry San I got us covered. I promise never ever to hurt you."

"Me too Brittany. Pinky promise."

The pair rode around on Brittany's bike for the rest of the afternoon only stopping once to try and pet the ducks at the lake. This ended with Brittany giggling as she chased after ducklings and Santana squealing as an ornery goose chased her around the lakefront.

"My dad says the Queen of England donated these geese to the lake." Brittany said with a smile once she and Santana were far from the foul bird.

"Yeah well no wonder she didn't want them, that thing is evil!" sneered Santana as they started to coast down the hill and back to their homes.

"I like duckies. They're cute. And nice. And make silly noises." A small smile appeared on Brittany's face as a spark flew her mind. "Hey Santana? Can a person be a duck?"

"No. People are people you silly goose."

"So people can be gooses but they can't be ducks?"

"No Britt. Silly goose is just a phrase you know?"

"That makes sense. My parents say I'm going through a ducky phrase right now."

They stopped in front of Santana's house and Santana hopped off and reached across the handlebars to give Brittany a hug. "See you tomorrow Britt-britt."

"We'll go see the ducks again?"

"Yeah but not that mean old goose. It's meaner than that meanie Noah." Santana stuck out her tongue and Brittany giggled.

"Pinky promise?"

"Always" The small fingers connected and only were separated by Santana's mother's call for dinner.

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><p><em>"If they have lips they lie."<em>

_I used to see the glass as half full. Full of hope and promises… A toast to our future if you will._

_Now the glass is shattered._


	3. Let it fly

**Author's Note:** Thanks to all of you for continuing to read my ramblings. Hopefully you're enjoying them! If you have a moment I'd love to hear your thoughts, suggestions, criticisms and all that jazz. Longest chapter as of yet and also my favorite thus far. Hope you enjoy!

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><p><em>Whenever a trapeze artist begins to learn their craft, a net is placed underneath them. This safety net keeps all their early accidents from turning disastrous. One day though, the net is taken away and they are told, "It's time to fly." No matter how skilled the artist is they're never quite ready for that moment. That moment when everything is on the line. The whole world is watching, and it is all up to them.<em>

_You were my safety net._

_And now you're gone._

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><p>Santana sat at the edge of Brittany's bright, floral, bed spread; her eyes trained on a lump in the middle. "Hey Brittany. How are you?" She tried to form a smile but it was of no use, the other girl was still burrowed deep under the blanket. "C'mon Britt-britt." She cooed as she slid higher up on the bed and poked the mass in the middle.<p>

"No."

"Yes. Come on goofball, you're fine." Santana snaked her hand under the blanker and pulled at the girl's arm.

"No!"

"Yes. Just talk to me okay? We'll make it better." Slowly, a figure emerged from under the mass of blankets. Santana's face softened at the appearance of the tousled blonde hair. "There you are! Now talk. Who do I need to beat up?"

Brittany giggled and pulled the blanket tight around her shoulders and motioned for Santana to sit next to her. "No one. You can't get in trouble again. Remember last week?"

A smirk appeared on Santana's face. A boy in their class had made the mistake of trying to swipe Brittany's pudding cup out of her snack bag. Santana had made sure that he got to have the pudding. Just not in his stomach. "No one gets to share your snacks except me." She replied with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Well you made sure of that. I think Finn still has some pudding stuck in his hair."

Santana shrugged. "No one gets to be mean to you. If they are I'll kick their butts. Simple as that. Now back to where we were. Who's got you so down that you're inside on the first snow day of the year? You love snow! I'll go all Lima Heights on-"

"Ew you sound like your brother stop!" Brittany scrunched up her nose and frowned. "Puck said he and 'his boys' were going to attack me with snowballs if I went outside."

Santana frowned. Ever since Noah had entered middle school he'd done nothing but harass all the girls in his grade. Her brother said that meant he liked the girl he was bothering. Like, "liked" the girl. Did Puck Like Brittany then? "Ah, he's just a stupid boy." She put heavy emphasis on the last words. "He got a mohawk and changed his name over the summer and thinks he's badass. We know he's not." She leaned over and tickled Brittany causing her to erupt in giggles. "C'mon. Puck wants a snowball fight? We'll give it to him."

Several minutes later found Brittany and Santana tromping through the fresh powdery snow. Brittany was wearing a duck print has with the ear flaps drawn tightly around her face. Santana opted for the slightly more grown up scarf and knit cap combo.

Santana drew her coat tighter around her as Brittany perched on her tiptoes as a scout. "See anything?"

"No I just-" There was a tell-tale whistling in the air giving Brittany a second to duck behind a trash can before an icy bullet hit the ground beside her.

"Well I think we found them."

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><p><em>Do you remember that day? We spent all of it huddled behind our fort pelting Puck and his buddies with snowballs. You had a wicked arm on you. Eventually we declared ourselves the winners and went inside, frozen to our toes. My mom made us hot chocolate.<em>

_Everyone always said you were frigid. "Santana the ice queen." I thought that they had heard about our epic snow fight and called you the ice queen because of your wicked aim with a snowball. I don't think that anymore._

_I really don't know why I'm doing this. Why I'm writing all these memories down. It doesn't make me feel better. To look back with happiness? All I can see is what could have been. I mean, it won't change anything. In the morning I'll still be alone. Your side of the bed will still be ice cold._

_It's still your side you know._

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><p>"Scoot over, you're on my side."<p>

Brittany obliged and moved over to make room for Santana who was carrying two sodas and juggling the TV remote between her elbows. "Can we watch the movie now?"

"Mhm. I got The Lion King. I know it's one of your favorites." Santana pressed play on the remote and smiled as Brittany leaned her head on Santana's shoulder. "You know, we're probably too old for this kind of stuff Britt."  
>"No way, eighth graders can still have sleepovers!"<p>

"Yeah but they probably don't-" Her rebuttal was silenced by a finger on her lips. She was grateful for the dark room as she felt her cheeks flush.

"Hush. The movie is starting." Brittany whispered. She pulled on Santana's arm and moved it so that it was wrapped around her shoulders. After a tense moment Santana relaxed and pulled Brittany closer as they fell into their usual routine. This time though Santana was even more distracted than usual. Distracted by a memory; a soft gentle touch, lingering for a moment on her lips.

The no talking policy was broken as soon as the first song came on. Before long Brittany was standing on the bed and twirling around, leaping to the foot of the bed and then back to the top.

"Brittany! You're going to fall on me!" Santana worried.

"I'm fine! I'm a dancer remember? My middle name is grace."

"I thought it was Susan?" Santana grumbled as Brittany reached down and pulled her to her feet.

"Shut up and dance with me silly." She laughed spinning Santana around in a circle while wailing "It's the circle of life!"

Santana was caught by surprise and misplaced her foot. Instead of a bed her foot met the air and she went tumbling down to the floor dragging Brittany down with her. The wind was knocked out of her and she took a moment before opening her eyes.

What Santana did not anticipate was how close Brittany's face was going to be to her own. If she leaned up even the slightest bit their noses would be touching. Brittany seemed to have the same idea. With a grin she leaned forward and squealed "Eskimo kiss!" rubbing her nose against Santana's, before hopping off the girl and back onto the bed.

Santana remained on the floor; "catching her breath" for a moment, as she hurriedly rubbed her cheeks urging the color that had collected there to dissipate.

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><p><em>It's been said that, "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."<em>

_But when you're young and don't even really understand the concept of love… how can you imagine losing it?_

_How do you identify love if you've never felt loss?_

_I can see it now._

_But that's the thing isn't it? _

_Now it's lost._


	4. New developments

**Author's Note:** Once again, thanks to all of you reading and an especially big thank you to everyone who has reviewed or put this story on their alerts! I hope you continue to enjoy this and if you do, please leave a review! Let me know what I'm doing right, wrong, etc. so I can continue to make this story as awesome as possible :)

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><p><em>Photography is an interesting process. A photographer has only seconds to capture the perfect image. It's all about the timing. Sure, they have to focus on composition, lighting, focus; but when it comes down to the difference between a natural photographer and any average Joe with a point and shoot Kodak, it's all about the timing.<em>

_Sometimes timing and a little bit of luck is all it takes to capture something beautiful. Then all you have to do is sit back and wait for things to develop._

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><p>"All freshmen with last names starting with 'L' through 'P' please report to the auditorium for pictures. Once again, all freshmen with last names starting with the letters 'L' through 'P' please report to the auditorium for yearbook photos." The crackling intercom voice was soon replaced with the sounds of several students standing up to leave the class.<p>

Santana waited outside Brittany's classroom, leaning up against a locker, and filing her perfectly groomed nails. Soon the art room door swung open, and a blonde blur sprung out of the class. "Hey hold your horses!" Santana called, latching onto Brittany's elbow and pulling her back close to her.

"Oh hey San! I didn't expect to see you here. That's why I was rushing, I wanted to walk with you to the auditorium." Three sentences tumbled out in one rushed breath as she rocked back and forth on her heels excitedly.

"Woah woah woah. Slow down there okay?" Santana smiled softly as they began to walk down the hallway. There were no other students around and therefore no need for her to release her hold on Brittany's arm. She steered them towards the auditorium and grinned as she noticed Brittany's obviously uncontainable excitement. "What's got you so excited? They're just pictures for the stupid yearbook."

Brittany stopped in her tracks and pulled away from Santana. "The yearbook isn't stupid."

"Yeah it is. It's just a bunch of pixelated photos of a bunch of people you aren't going to care about in two years. And signing yearbooks? It's all just a bunch of sappy 'heartfelt' messages from people who won't even be a part of your life by the time you reread them. Yearbooks are lame. The only reason I'm buying one is so that I can get Berry to sign it and I'll auction it off ten years from now when she's at the top of her Broadway career or whatever she's always yammering about." Santana finished her dismissal with a smirk but the expression quickly faded once she saw Brittany's wounded face.

"So… what about all those times you wrote in my yearbook Santana? Every message since kindergarten? Did they mean nothing? Just words? And that picture of us at our first Cheerios practice; the one where our arms are around each other and we're smiling, super happy because we made it… are you not going to care about that when you flick past it in five years?"

"Of course I'm going to care about it Britt it's us!"

Brittany shook her head. "Why am I so special? I'm no better than anyone else. I'm not smarter, or funnier, according to you I'm one of those 'lame' people work on the yearbook staff. So why should one grainy pixelated picture of us mean anything to you? After all, you aren't going to care about me in two years anyway." Her normally bright eyes were cold, freezing Santana to her spot. "I think I can find the way to the auditorium myself, thanks." She turned and brusquely walked away, Santana left in shock in her wake.

Eventually Santana uprooted herself from her spot and began the lonely walk from the locker to the auditorium. Funny wasn't it? How things could go from great to awful in seconds. She kicked a locker door that had been left open and the sound echoed through the empty hall like cannon fire. Why did she have to open her mouth? Why didn't she have a filter like most people? That little voice that said "Hey kid, you probably shouldn't say that or you're going to end up pissing off your…"

She quickly masked her face with her signature scowl at the sound of a door opening ahead. Santana didn't even try to hide her groan as Rachel Berry exited the classroom.

"And it is lovely to see you too Santana! I'm surprised that someone who holds herself in such high regard is dawdling in the hallway on picture day, one of the most important days of the year in regard to upholding your current reputation and status amongst your fellow students. Surely such esteemed individuals as yourselves know that your yearbook picture is the only thing McKinley students have to remember you by, or in your case strike fear into their hearts, over the long summer vacation. This picture sets the tone for the year to come as well and sets the standard expected of you." Rachel squeaked hurriedly as she sped up to keep pace with the girl who was obviously trying to distance herself from her.

"Go away hobbit. And news flash, unless those scientists in Russia succeeded in building their time machine, talking in paragraphs hasn't been in since Shakespeare's day. Now move along and get yourself an oxygen mask because I'm pretty sure your brain is being deprived of oxygen." Santana flipped her ponytail to the side and continued walking down the hall, pointedly slamming the door behind her.

Though she hated to admit it, Berry had a point. In order to be somebody people had to recognize you and move out of the way as you walked down the hall. The only way to get recognized was to be in the yearbook. As many times as possible. Brittany had been right. Yearbooks might not be so stupid after all.

The gears in her mind were already whirring as she sat down and gave the camera her best suggestive smirk. After the flash bulb went off she quickly moved off the stool. She needed to find Brittany. Apologize, make plans for her to come over Friday night. Then she needed to start working on her reputation. Just being on the Cheerios was a good start, but if she really wanted to rule this school of losers she was going to have to do a lot better.

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><p><em>You've always been so ambitious. Never have you wanted anything but the best for yourself. And when we were together that was great for me. You did everything to make me happy. For a while I was very happy with you. Where did we go wrong? Is it really over? The thought that everything might be over terrifies me. To have something so etched in stone "We're done." It's such a stark contrast to the beginning.<em>

_Do you remember when it began? I find the line of distinction to be hazy. Maybe because we were friends so long prior to becoming more than that._

_We were friends before lovers._

_But I loved you before we were friends. And during the time we were friends. The entire time we were together. And even now. When we are no longer lovers, and I doubt in your mind friends, I still love you._

_We were friends before lovers._

_I loved you even when we weren't friends._

_We've come full circle._

_Does that mean we get the chance to begin again?_


	5. Magnetism

**Author's Note: **I'm really interested in what you all think of this chapter. Let me know in a review! As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I do.

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><p><em>Fact: Opposites attract. However sometimes the opposites are so polarizing that despite obvious attraction, to allow them to join can have severe consequences.<em>

_We were magnetic. I couldn't escape you. You couldn't escape me._

_The moment we hit each other full force for the first time, we sealed our fate._

_That first kiss was the beginning of everything that was wonderful._

_It would set the timer. Begin the countdown of happy memories left to be discovered and enjoyed before everything fell to pieces._

_But in that moment only the positive mattered._

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><p>Santana watched in awe as Brittany sped around the track. Every movement was so controlled, the complete opposite of her usual flighty ways. There were other riders on the track of course, but her eyes were hidden by oversized designer sunglasses, leaving her free to watch number fifteen exclusively. Better that way, why would she want to watch a bunch of gross sweaty boys? In some ways, she was reminded of Brittany's dance recitals she had attended in the past. Even on a motocross bike, speeding around a dusty dirt track, she was the picture of grace and elegance.<p>

The way she shook her hair free after she pulled off her helmet… The way she carelessly brushed away the few blonde strands the clung to her sweaty forehead… The way her entire face was tinged pink, her cheeks especially rosy…

Santana shook her head trying to clear it. She was just appreciating that her friend was as smoking hot as she was. Rule number one of being a hot popular girl, you had to have hot popular friends. That was all. Completely normal.

Brittany emerged from the pit and held up her hand, waving Santana down from the bleachers to the track. "You came!" She jumped up excitedly and pulled Santana into a sweaty hug.

"Of course I did. I come to all of your meets."

"But this was just a practice?" Brittany pulled off her gloves and shoved them into her pocket, wiping her dusty fingertips on her pants.

Santana shrugged, "Still counts."

"Well I'm glad you did because I have something to show you." She grabbed Santana's hand and pulled her down onto the track. "You know how I got some prize money for winning the last race? Well, my dad bought me this!" She opened up the rickety wooden doors to the bike shed with a flourish. On the inside sat a new bike, a fair bit larger than the one she currently owned.

"Woah Britt! That's awesome." Santana walked over to the bike and ran her hand over the side, admiring the polished blue finish.

"Isn't it?" Brittany got on so that she was straddling the seat and offered Santana her hand. "Come on, we're going for the first test drive."

Santana was visibly concerned "I don't think that's such a good idea Brittany…"

"Oh hush. Don't be a party pooper." She grabbed Santana and pulled her onto the bike behind her. "Hold on tight!" She called over the roar of the engine.

Santana was purposely hanging on loosely, not wanting to risk being too close to Brittany, but with the first kick of the engine her grip instantly tightened. Brittany took off out of the shed and Santana could have sworn that she was laughing. Her legs felt like jelly, every bit of her body feeling and absorbing the powerful vibrations of the bike. After a couple turns and hills, once she was sure she wasn't speeding to her death, she began to relax and actually started to enjoy the ride.

The wind whipped through her and Brittany's hair. Dark locks tangling with light ones as they raced around the track. As Santana leaned up against Brittany she felt as if her heart was beating a lot faster than normal. Probably just all the adrenaline.

She saw the hazard a second before Brittany did but that second was all it took for disaster to strike. A rock in the road clipped the wheel sending the bike off balance and careening to the side. Brittany fell first landing on her stomach with Santana still attached to her waist landing on top of her. She cried out as the gravel cut open her hand and Santana swore as her mouth crashed against the hard plastic shoulder pads.

Santana rolled off of Brittany and onto her back. Eyes closed, trying to slow her racing heart. After a moment she stood up and quipped, "You know Brittany. I don't think that bike was made for two people." She turned to offer Brittany a small smile but the girl was busy examining her cut hand with a look of horror.

Brittany held up her injured hand "Kiss it better?" she pleaded as the pools in her eyes began to swell. Santana only needed to glance at her to know she was serious. Tentatively, she drew the delicate hand up to her lips and gingerly pressed her lips against it as if afraid it was going to recoil. Her lips lingered for a moment against her will and she quickly pulled away even though Brittany hadn't yet released her hold on her hand.

"You can let go of my hand now." She stammered, unable to form a sentence with Brittany staring at her like that, but also unable to look away with Brittany staring at her like that.

"I don't want to." Brittany stated plainly, her eyes darting all over Santana's face. "Your lip got cut." She said softly as her eyes focused on Santana's lower lip and she reflexively ran her tongue across her own.

Santana watched Brittany's tongue glide across her perfect pink lips and before she could help herself she replied, "Kiss it better?" The instant the words left her mouth her cheeks flushed and she screwed her eyes shut. Shit. She tried to focus on anything else but was distracted by a warm breath on her face. Her eyes fluttered up just in time to see Brittany close the gap between them and softly press her lips against her own.

They stood there for a moment, hands still intertwined. Santana's eyes wide open as she stood in shock. Brittany's closed in bliss as she pressed forward, crinkling at the edges as she pulled away and smiled. "All better?"

Santana's mouth hung open as she attempted to force air into her lungs. Her entire face burned and yet the only feeling she could focus on was the lingering sensation of Brittany's lips on her own.

"San?" Brittany's eyes were filled with questions, all she had intended to do was make Santana feel better. In a matter of moments her face had shifted from colored to deathly pale.

"What the hell was that?" Santana's words had been meant to come out as an angry cry but they only escaped her lips as a scared whisper.

"You asked for me to kiss it to make it feel better."

"You can't just kiss me on the mouth!" Santana hissed. "What were you thinking Britt? Someone could have saw."

Brittany quieted her by placing a palm on her cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it'd make you upset. Kisses are supposed to be happy things. They make you feel good. I guess we got different feelings though."

"What do you mean?" Santana asked warily, lifting her eyes to glance at Brittany through her eyelashes.

"I mean that kissing me made you feel angry. But kissing you made me feel really super great." She said as if it was obvious.

Two pairs of eyes questioned each other.

Two pairs of lips struggled to form words that remained unspoken.

Finally, Santana broke the silence though her words were hardly louder than it. "Kissing you didn't make me feel bad. Not even a little bit." She noticed how Brittany's face brightened and she continued. "It did though make me confused and being confused makes me angry."

"What is there to be confused about?"

"Brittany… you kissed me. That's kind of a big deal."

"You asked me to!"

"No!" Santana's voice began to elevate "Don't pull the 'dumb' card. We both know you're smarter than that. We both know that you don't just kiss your best friend because they made a joke about kissing it better! We-" She stopped talking as Brittany ran her thumb across her cheek.

"I don't know why I did it. But I wanted to. I liked it. You liked it. Not everything in life has to have some big meaning behind it. Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. You say that all the time when you make out with boys at parties."

"This is different Brittany. I don't care about them."

"And you care about me?" After a moment Santana nodded slightly. "Good. I care about you too." With the hand that was still on Santana's cheek she slowly moved the other girl's face closer to her own. "Maybe since there aren't any boys good enough to take care of us right now…" Blue eyes met brown, cautious and questioning. "Just for the time being…" She lifted Santana's jaw and tilted her own downward. "We can take care of each other." The last sentence was just as much a question as a statement but she didn't give Santana time to answer, silencing her words with another tender kiss.

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><p><em>I had a dream about you last night. But I can't for the life of me remember what it was.<em>

_We had a lot of dreams for us, for the future. I can still see those clearly._

_Why is it that the memories that are the most poignant are the ones we are most keen to forget?_


	6. Promises Promises

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much to everyone who has put this story on their favoirtes list / alerted this story/ left me a review. Everytime I see an email in my inbox alerting me of such I get quite excited. :) To answer a question I got, yes this story will continue to be told through a series of flashbacks for at least a while longer. The next few chapters that I have written continue in this pattern however I have yet to decide if it will continue once the 'present' is reached. If you have any opinions regarding this let me know! I'm always up for new ideas and would love to know what you wish to see from this story. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think! It's hard to decide what to do next if you don't know whats working or isn't. Enjoy!

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><p><em>Every simple action correlates with another. An alarm clock ring leads to a body being shaken from their slumber. A click of a knob means the oven is on and ready to prepare the day's meal. There are also more complicated routines of sound. A muffled sob in a dusty corner of a long deserted hallway may lead to a comforting hand on a shoulder. Or it may lead to nothing. It may lead to the awkward shuffle of those trying to ignore what cannot be unseen. Those who now carry a burden with them. They wonder why, what if, and they regret. Oh how they regret. Because they know that had they stopped, had they taken a moment to step outside themselves and into the life of another, they would have been enlightened.<em>

_People are so impressionable, so very malleable. The people who come in and out of our lives affect who we are and who we are to be much more than any genetic makeup could. For better or worse we all change and are changed._

_Why did you change me? _

_Why did you change?_

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><p>Tan hands glided over pale freckled skin, working their way up to tense shoulders, tracing over the curve of shoulder blades. They finally reached their destination, kneading the sore muscles. A small breathe of relief escaped the girl on the bed. "You are so beautiful and wonderful and amazing and-"<p>

"Shhh…" The girl straddling her back leaned down to press a kiss against a shoulder blade. "You need to relax. " Her thumbs rubbed little circles around each freckle as she drew the tension out of the blonde's back. "Why are your muscles so tense? You must be really stressed from Cheerios huh?"

Brittany hummed in agreement, her eyes growing heavy as bit by bit her body relaxed. Santana smiled as she saw Brittany start to doze off, happy to know that her massage was working. Two months ago if anyone had told her that the only massaging she would be experiencing was giving one to someone else she would have let out a bark of laughter and cut them down to size with her biting words. Of course two months ago if someone had told her she'd be found in much more compromising positions than this with her best friend she would have had the same reaction.

How had they gotten here? One day an 'innocent' kiss took place and only a few later found Santana completely wrapped around Brittany's finger. She was giving massages! How lame was that? She would nearly rather someone find out about their 'sweet lady kisses' as Brittany had dubbed them, than discover that Santana was completely whipped to the point of giving massages rather than hooking up. Lopez was losing her touch.

She really didn't have much reason to complain though. This gave her an excuse to let her hands roam all over Brittany's back. It gave her time to discover every freckle, every stray blonde hair, the delicious curve of her jawline…

"Hey Santana?" Her thoughts that were rapidly approaching the dangerous territory of 'mushy feelings' were distracted by the soft sound of Brittany's voice.

"Hm?" Santana responded as she played with the blonde curls at the base of Brittany's neck.

"You think that maybe we could join Glee club for real?" Brittany asked. Her eyes remained closed, her blonde nearly invisible eyelashes resting on the tips of her cheeks.

"What do you mean?" Santana murmured. "You heard Coach Sylvester, we're already in to spy on all those losers." Her hands trailed back down to Brittany's shoulders rubbing lightly as she continued. "I don't know why though. It seems to be like a complete waste of time that could spent doing… other things" With that, she leaned down in an attempt to nuzzle kisses against Brittany's neck.

"No no no." Brittany turned her head, denying Santana access. Santana groaned as Brittany continued. "You're not allowed to distract me. We need to talk."

"Okay… let's talk with our tongues super close then." Santana purred, moving off of Brittany and to the side as she attempted to roll her over.

"Santana." Brittany warned, sitting up to face the girl and folding her arms across her chest.

"Fine fine. What do you mean by join Glee for real?"

"We should actually sing a song! Remember when we sang 'Say a Little Prayer' with Quinn for our audition? That was really fun. But now during all the songs we're just hiding in the background and moving our lips. I want to-" Her excitement was quickly cut off.

"No." Santana said firmly. "We can't do that." She glanced at Brittany's disappointed face and her tone immediately softened. "I just mean if we actually got show off our mad skills they'd actually be pretty good."

"Don't we want that?" Brittany asked, her head cocked to the side.

"No we want to destroy them not make them stronger." Santana echoed Coach Sylvester's original instructions to them punctuating the statement with a firm nod.

"But Santana, Glee is a lot of fun! It's actually my favorite part of the day. "

"Why's that?" This time Santana was confused, her head tilted and eyebrow arched in curiosity.

"Because I get to be with you. Not the Santana who hates everyone and hides weird things in people's food. You, the girl with a pretty smile, who likes to drink out of silly straws, and sings in the shower." She smiled at Santana who could only look back at her. "I know you're not ready to be that girl around everyone. I understand that. But one day when you are, and you will be one day, you have to promise you'll sing a song with me okay?"

Santana couldn't say no to Brittany so she painted on a smile and replied with a shaky voice. "Of course Britt-britt. Any song you want." Brittany smiled and grabbed onto Santana's shirt collar, pulling her in for an excited kiss.

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><p><em>A year passed before you even had to worry about fulfilling your promise. A year of hiding. Of late nights spent limbs and lips entangled. We hid behind the pretense that we were just teenagers messing around. It was more than that to both of us. And though we were at out happiest together at the same time a silent war was raging between each other and within ourselves.<em>

_Why couldn't it be simple? Admit that what we had, wanted, needed, was much more than physicality. What we craved was true intimacy, not of body but of emotion. Raw emotion freed from any constratints can be powerful. Especially when it's love._

_It would be a year before our new found arrangement would be tested. And when it came to make or break… Your promise to me was broken._

_It would be the first of many._

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><p>"We should do a duet together. We should sing Melissa Etheridge's 'Come to My Window." Brittany glanced up at Santana who had pulled away from her neck, with hopeful eyes. A year ago she'd promised they'd sing for real in Glee one day. There couldn't be anything holding her back now! She'd already admitted Glee was the best part of her day and lately they'd been singing a lot more than usual. Plus that song was perfect since Santana was always climbing in through her window late at night!<p>

Santana immediately started protesting and even though Brittany tried to calm her down it was pointless. Their unspoken barrier had been crossed. "I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you." Santana said flatly pulling away from the girl as she focused on drawing her hair into a tight ponytail. Brittany didn't attempt to follow her and pull her back. She'd already lost her. After Santana spouted off something about being a lizard Brittany made one final effort to remind her of the promise she had made.

"But who are you going to sing a duet with?" She asked quietly. Santana shrugged and left the bed grabbing her jacket off of the chair by the desk and leaving the room. The door clicked shut and Brittany let her head fall back against her pillow in frustration. There had to be something she could do. Slowly she began to form a plan.

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><p><em>They say love makes you blind; clouds your judgment. So you, the person I loved and trusted implicitly, broke your promise to me and I not only was I devastated, I was blinded. All I wanted was for someone to adore me as much I did you. So I picked Artie for my duet partner. I told you before that the way to get a boy to follow you around forever was to take his virginity. And I guess that's what I wanted. I wanted to know that no matter what heartbreak you caused, no matter how many times you came and went, I'd always have someone waiting patiently for me.<em>

_Someone who would wait for me just as I waited for you._

_Artie long gave up on me._

_I'm still here_.


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